Even when we have the best intentions, we can fall short of our expectations. I particularly struggle with feelings of inadequacy when I fall short of self-set goals, as I have by failing to send this newsletter two weeks in a row. There's something particularly galling about setting an achievable goal and then falling flat. We all fail sometimes, but it's important to remind ourselves that we can start over.
What can we do when we've failed to follow through on our intentions? Here are six things to try:
Give yourself a blank slate. You don't need to wait to begin again. It doesn't have to be January 1st or a Monday or a new moon -- or any specific day or set of circumstances. Today is as good a day as any other to give yourself a fresh start.
Practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your failure but refuse to fall into a cycle of self-recrimination. Even if you fail nine times out of ten, you've still succeeded by picking yourself up and trying again. Treat yourself with compassion. If your best friend fell short of the mark, would you berate them and call them names? If not, why should you do that to yourself? Forgive yourself, let go of the guilt, and move forward.
Re-evaluate your goal. Did you fail to take into account external factors? Did you underestimate the amount of time it would take to finish a task? Would it be helpful to break down your goal into even smaller tasks? (That's a mistake I've made repeatedly.) Did you fail to schedule a set time to accomplish what you needed to do? Take the time to examine the necessary steps to achieve your goal.
Make a better plan. As an extension of the previous item, take your analysis and work through how you can apply what you've learned. Schedule extra time, put smaller individual steps on your to-do list, and give yourself plenty of margin for unexpected delays. Make a concrete plan to get back on track.
Take a temporary break if necessary. We need to remain flexible; our lives are filled with events we can't predict. If you're in the midst of a crisis or an unexpected situation that must be dealt with immediately, even the most cherished goal can wait. We can't always predict the length of a hiatus (as many of us learned during the pandemic), but if you're only facing a week or two of uncertainty, be sure to schedule a reminder to revisit your plans when the worst of your stress has passed.
You are allowed to quit. Let it go without guilt or shame if you've truly decided to set aside a goal. Sometimes the timing simply isn't right, and sometimes we pursue aims that don't really serve our deeper purposes. It truly is okay to walk away when that's the case. You can always revisit a goal when circumstances change. Give yourself permission to pursue a different aim altogether.
Challenge:
This week, I urge you to get back on track in any area you've let slip. If you've fallen short of your intentions, examine how that happened and make a plan to move forward again. Be honest, but also be kind to yourself. Everyone fails now and again. Pick yourself up, dust off your dreams, and try again. If you're experiencing smooth sailing right now -- congratulations! You might want to bookmark this post to revisit later when you hit a bump along the way, just in case.