Even the most introverted of us (and I count myself in that category) need other people and suffer when we don't feel sufficiently connected to others. Although many of us could maintain our closest connections during the pandemic, we lost our "softer" acquaintances, such as in-office work buddies or the friendly strangers we always saw at the coffee shop. We may not have been able to keep up with various in-person activities that brought us into contact with far-flung friends and friendly strangers who could become friends later. Further, this lack of contact undoubtedly added to the already significant problem of erosion in community trust.
Most of us don't know our neighbors. On average, we rarely attend church or join civic organizations. Many are so busy with paid work and lengthy commutes that they can't make time to volunteer or see their friends with any regularity.
Some of us no longer have close friends we feel we can rely on or confide in and even those of us who do have fewer significant ties than in the past. In a 2021 survey, 49% of Americans said they had three or fewer friends, a significant increase from the 27% who claimed the same in 1990. Conversely, 33% said they had ten or more friends in 1990, and only 13% report that now. Only 3% of survey respondents claimed to have no friends in 1990, but 12% feel they have no friends now. We're simply lonelier than we used to be.
We often feel that we don't know how to change this.
As always, I urge you to start small. Text someone you haven't heard from in a while, or call your favorite cousin. You can make a plan to take a walk with a friend, clear one evening each week to spend with your significant other, or call your siblings to organize a barbeque. You could join (or form) a book club or some other community group. Make it a habit to include other people in your life. We're all in this together, even if we lose sight of that sometimes.
Challenge:
This week, I urge you to identify one way you can help build (or re-build) your social circle and strengthen your social ties. You can choose something as simple as saying hello to a neighbor or something as bold as volunteering for your favorite non-profit. Even if you've never taken on a single past challenge, please reach out to someone this week. Remember, we can always build on our tiniest steps, so even a text message can be a good start. We all need to feel connected.
Here, here! This can be so overlooked and undervalued. It's been said that isolation is a tool used to keep people in their bondage. It's been said that you do not worry about the kid on the playground with only 1 friend but the kid with none. We can all be that one friend to someone. 💜